Rules of Engagement

DocTurtle and I saw this in the grocery store and he will not SHUT UP until I do a post about it. This is the power that my faithful readers have over me.

Yes, it's a book about Jesus in his ever-popular warrior mode. Prince of Peace? Turn the other cheek? Screw that, he's come to set brother against brother in an all out battle for your soul! (Please pretend that the last sentence was said in a kind of monster truck rally advertisement voice, it makes it funnier. Thank you.)

Excerpted from the back cover for your pleasure:

As a believer, you interact every day with invisible spiritual powers in heavenly places. Hierarchies of angels are engaged...(yadda yadda yadda...war war war)...Derek Prince offers the guidance you need to take your place in this monumental conflict. As you build the character of a warrior, you will become more and more like Jesus Christ, your commanding officer.

Ja wohl, mein Gott, I am present and accounted for and READY FOR ACTION!

There, DocTurtle, I hope you're happy! Personally, I prefer the following covers, also from books that happen to be called Rules of Engagement.

First, the cheesy romance:

Hometown USA? Why, oh why, are they getting their purdy dresses all mussed up on the hood of a car?

Then the not so cheesy, intriguing romance:

I am intrigued by the location of that firearm. And the "Phoenix Brotherhood," whatever that is. (See, it's intriguing!)

And finally, a classic Sci-Fi:

Kirk squares off against the Klingons and their square foreheads with his square jaw and not-so-square sideburns. Intriguing!

Derek Prince

Bonnie K Winn

Gayle Wilson

Peter Morwood


DocTurtle said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

True confessions: I probably read the ST novel when I was a teen. My brother and I had about a bajillion of those things at one point.

On that first cover, at first I thought they were lying in a double-wide casket, until I read the text below. That would explain the gussied-upness. Necrophilia always makes for an intriguing romance plot, right?

DocTurtle said...

I hate to comment again immediately, but that first romance novel begs the question: what is it that makes a romance a superromance?

Miss Maggie said...

Maybe they're superHEROES. I'd read that.

Anonymous said...

To properly speak, speak, speak in the fashion of a monster truck announcer, announcer, announcer you have to pointlessly repeat certain words or syllables in your sentence, sentence, sentence.

To whit: "Jesus Christ, Christ, Christ, has come to set brother against brother in an all out battle for your soul! Soul, soul!"

Snow said...

Regarding the Intrigue cover, seriously, what guy wears a see-through white button down shirt? Especially when he's attempting to conceal a weapon under it?

Son of Slam said...

While I'm glad to see more representation of lefty shooters, carrying a handgun that way really increases the chances of having your nads blown off.

Kiwi said...

I just hope that gun has the safety on. Then again, maybe i don't.

As far as superheroes....


there ya go. Btw, anyone into comics should go to girl-wonder.org and check it out. My friend Rachel Eddidin writes a column about life as a woman in the comic industry. :D

Maughta...great entry once again. :D

apthorpe said...

"Derek Prince"? More like Dark Prince aka SATAN!

My suspicion is that if this potboiler is in fact the work of the Devil, he's been outsourcing to the lowest bidder.

M. Bouffant said...

Alright, late to the party here, but "Peter Mor[e]wood?" Paging Dr. Freud!
And Shatner/Kirk never looked that good in person or on the tube or big screen ever!

Steve T. said...

"As you build the character of a warrior..."??? What are we playing here, Diablo II?

Anonymous said...

No ... wire ... hangers!

What's wire hangers doing in this closet when I told you: no wire hangers EVER?

I work and work 'till I'm martyred ... And what do I get? A warrior ... who cares as much about the beautiful silver-plated breastplates I give her ... as much as she cares about me.

Anonymous said...

I think it woould be very amusing if, while pulling out the gun to cap whatever mofo he's after in his oh-so-badass way, it went off before clearing the "holster" (as it often does in the hands of a newbie).
Miss Shapely Blonde in the back would be much less interested in him after that.