Happy Mammary Monday

Happy Mammary Monday! Although if you're like me, you'll feel like we somehow went from Thursday to Monday, without a weekend. Whoever said Time is a constant is/was on crack. But it's definitely Monday again, and I thought I'd present a book that can be informative, amusing, and useful!
Some of us (I include myself) would never, ever be interested in making our breasts any larger than they are. In fact, if the book promised to help shrink them to a size where I could buy cute lacy bras instead of hammocks big enough for a honeymooning couple to string up between two palm trees on the beach, I would be first in line to buy. So, for those of you who would for some reason like to increase the weight you carry around your neck and across your back muscles, this may be the book for you! I'm a little puzzled, though, about what exactly we're seeing on the cover. I see the boobs, surrounded by a black swimsuit, but is that a chubby arm on the near side, and another on the far side? Or some other body part?

Then, for those of you who would like to improve other parts of your female anatomy, here's another potentially useful book. Not only can you color in the pictures, but you can learn new hairstyles for your vajayjay. My favorite comment on Amazon.com: "The Big Coloring Book of Vaginas isn't just a coloring book. It's inspiration. When first presented with this, I strummed through it thinking it was a joke. But I soon realized that this is a guidebook for redecorating your vagina, especially if it's been around awhile and you feel like you've run out of new ways to dress it up. I put aside the crayons, except to use to draw in accessories like scarves and snoods, in favor of spray glitter, various stick-on mustaches, mini-flower and seed arrangements. (I didn't like the seeds -- too elementary school, hence, creepy. You don't want a bean and seed turkey down there, believe me!) My current favorite is stick-on beadwork in an ornate Tiffany-esque peacock design. (Tip: surprise your ob/gyn with a beadwork speculum! He'll flip!) Also, if it's your bridal day, try a delicate self-adhesive Velcro surprise for your honeymoon. Your partner will never forget it!"

We sometimes think they don't have a brain, but ....

Full title: The Anti-Intellectual Presidency: The Decline of Presidential Rhetoric from George Washington to George W. Bush.
From the Publishers Weekly: "...Lim investigates what he sees as a particularly American phenomenon whereby most presidents have preferred to appear less, not more intellectually inclined than they actually were." Politics aside, it sounds like an interesting discussion, but the cover just creeps me out.

I mean, they say that clothes make the man, right? (Personally, I think if that were true, those of us who are still single and looking for Mr. Right could settle for Mr. Could-Be and just buy him the proper clothing. Trust me, doesn't work!) In this case, clothes are the man. Yikes. Ok, I get it, presidents don't want to appear like egg-heads that might make the average citizen feel dumb. Or something. But headless? And apparently neckless as well? That's just creepy. Apparently the White House has an amazing laundry facility. They can starch your shirt to the point where it can hold up a jacket, tie and collar, without you even in it. This could be why so many presidents seem so uncomfortable all the time. I suspect they use the same formula for the underwear as well.

Pinhead in Orange

Let me start by admitting I'm no fan of "modern" or abstract art. The hallways outside my office are filled with Jackson Pollock and Paul Klee, and other kindergartners' drawings. When walking past them, my reaction ranges from rolling my eyes to getting furious that our company's dollars are being spent on a picture of a line. My rule is: If I can do it, it isn't art.

The cover of Buddhism for Mothers just irritates me. I would never read this book, just because of the cover. Seriously, why would the "artist" shrink the woman's head down to the size of a pool cue? What is that supposed to signify? To me, it implies that once you DO read it, your head will implode and will have no brain left for rational thought. Also, you will be sucked into a world resembling the inside of an orange Jolly Rancher. With creepy little trees growing in the distance. Or are they even trees? They are shaped more like rat poops.

The text at the top bugs me too: "This is an excellent, practical guide to Buddhism not just for mothers, but for everyone who has ever had a mother." What?? Are they trying to say it's for everyone? Why not just say that? It's hurtful to those who never had a mother. They are specifically excluded, and that's just mean.