Let's Make Fun of Gilbert Morris!

I've decided that all of these books need new titles. I've take an stab at it, but y'all can definitely help!
The Cross-Eyed Real Doll

The Giant-Headed Midget

The Fifteen-Foot Bear

The Soulless Stare

(also known as The Missing Finger)


Anonymous said...

please do us a favor and warn us before linking to whatever that real doll thing was!!!

Susanna said...

My alternate titles:
1. Prisoner of the Monkey Man
2. The Over-Coiffed Mullet
3. She Smells Something
4. The Wax Dummy Love Triangle

Anonymous said...

For 1, I'll go with, "I Lost the Handcuff Keys"
For 3, "The Petulant Polyamorist"

DocTurtle said...

2. The Little Hydrocephalic on the Prairie

4. The George W. Bush Guide to Ginsu Knives

Angela Fehr said...

I loved these books as a teen, but the artist in me HATED the covers even then.

sweet pea said...

1. Firestarter: The Prequel

3. The Dangers of Fashion in the Old West
4. Gang Signs of the Civil War

Anonymous said...

I'm a first-time reader of the most hilarious, side-splitting blog it has been my very good fortune to stumble across. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I've read every post of yours this early am and I'm happy as a drunk on free booze night. I have been a connoisseur of really rancid, badly drawn, deliciously cheezy covers for many years and this from a English major yet. Maybe that explains it all. I am your devoted fan...
A very smiley Beau
in Seattle

Snow said...

1. I Hex Widow, Tied.
2. Wiry Harlot Hero
3. Thin Bullet Racer, Groomed
4. Wee Haunted Donkey

But seriously, is book 2 the story of Young Dick Cheney's time on the prairie? Perhaps the prequel to Lynne Cheney's "Sisters"?

the.effing.librarian said...

I think The Giant-Headed Midget should be Frontier Cherry-buster.

I like 1. Prisoner of the Monkey Man

Wendebular said...

"His wagon train was full of brides to be. But he would never marry again [even if one of them killed a mutant bear], it was said."

What?! And what is wrong with a little "But it was said he..."?

Leizel said...

1. I think I Just Burned Down the House in a Drug Filled Stupor
2. Does this Buckskin Suit Enhance My Package?
3. I Think I Smell Bear Doo
4. My Tummy Hurts, As Does My Hand

Perhaps those would make better thought bubbles....

Anonymous said...

All of them as a series could be dubbed:

This Artist Can't Draw Hands

batgirl said...

Not just the art, those are the lamest cover-tags I've seen in a good long time. 'Where would it all end' indeed!

Anonymous said...

The hell is up with the Holy Warrior? Why do they always make Native Americans look Italian or in this guy's case, Swedish? Pisses me off.

Anonymous said...

Err...that is a perfectly normal size for a grown grizzly bear. I've a picture of myself standing next to one stuffed at about that height.

Anonymous said...

1) She's a Witch! Burn Her (and the City)
2) The Evolution of Man: The Funny Stage Where We Still Looked Like Apes
3) Everyone Got Trampled
4) Friendly Fire Isn't Friendly After You Flip Your General the Bird

I second the naming the series cover art as "This artist can't draw hands"
And "I lost the Handcuff Keys" for number 1 :)
Love it!

JamiSings said...

I think, Leja, just judging from the cover, that he's not actually "Native American Indian." It looks like one of those books where either his father or mother was white and married someone who's NAI or a white man who "sympathized" with the "natives" and turned his back on his heritage blah blah blah.

Are these those "Christian" romance novels? They're such popular check outs at the library. I can't stand them cause even the blurbs on the back remind me so much of those so-called "Christians" who are so uptight about their faith that they can drive a person to become an athiest.

Anonymous said...

Oh, come on. That can't possibly be a fifteen foot bear. Look at the woman next to it. Unless she's ridiculously tall, the bear's more like ten feet tall at max. That's a reasonable size for a grizzly.