To Prepositionland, and Beyond!

Hey! For the record, we're both feeling a lot better, thank you very much, and while Maughta's taking a much-deserved Sunday afternoon (more like Sunday evening, but who's keeping track?) nap, I thought I'd sneak in and surprise her with another cover-bashing update.

Hmmmm...lessee...what genre should I pick on today? Hmmmm...

Howzabout one o' these here NASCAR romances, perhaps the trashiest of the trash fiction? I shudder to think that there is such a thing (I swear you cannot make this shit up) as the "NASCAR Library Collection" (winner of the Palm d'Or at the 2006 International Oxymoron Convention) Maughta's picked on a few titles in the past, now it's my turn.

This particular installment, To the Limit, comes to us from Pamela Britton, author of such gripping tales, apparently, as In the Groove and On the Edge. While not writing disposable novels for the marginally literate and completely indiscerning, Ms. Britton works on retainer for Sesame Street as their resident prepositions maven. The literary world is simply on tenterhooks during the current lead-up to her impending December release, Between the Lines, the long-awaited capstone to her critically-aclaimed trilogy Over the River, Through the Woods, and To Grandmother's House We Go.

Back to the work at hand: if this isn't Harlequin's attempt to tap into that elusive Y-chromosome-bearing market share, what is it? Aside from the fact that it's written by a chick, this book cover's designed to appeal to the casual male shopper. Mysterious Mr. Stoic (good-looking, but not, like, in a gay way, man...not like that Fabio dude) looks on as powerful automobiles hurtle by at incomprehensible speeds. He is distant, silent, brooding, aloof. He is all that is male: oil, gasoline, axle grease. He's wearing a headset, for Pete's sake! Men can feel safe reading this book. No sissy book, this: a real man can buy this book without shame.

'Cause I know you can't get enough of these (ah, schadenfreude!), here's another from the...ulp...NASCAR Library Collection:

I dunno about you, but I'm totally looking forward to that cameo appearance by Carl Edwards. Carl Edwards, people! Edwards! E-D-W-...You know! Um...I must admit I'm kinda proud that I had no idea who Carl Edwards is until I Googled him just a minute ago. Yep, another MF who gets paid about a gajillion times more per day than I'll ever earn in my life to drive around, really quickly, in circles. (Bitter? Naaah...I mean, as a society, we gotta have our priorities, right? And as we all know, supporting NASCAR is more important than educating our children.)

Back to the book, though, Carl Edwards notwithstanding: you know this book has gotta be good, because the author's a USA Today Bestselling Author. Which means she's big among people who turn to a cartoon newspaper to stay informed about current events. Oh, wait, I'm supposed to be picking on the cover, right?

Um...yeah, so there are these two really freakin' huge people looming in the ether above this race track, and the male person looks like he's about to gomp on the female person's nose. And vice versa.

"Lurlene, your nose is just 'bout the most delectable fruit I ever seen."

"Stop talkin' nonsense, Jim Bob, and kiss me."

"OW! Consarn it, Lurlene, whatcha go and bite me for?"

I'll leave it to you to complete the dialogue. I'm off to make some dinner. (But I won't be wearin' one o' those frilly aprons...)


astrange said...

And I didn't even know you could have cameo appearances in a book.

Snow said...

Nancy Warren
Pamela Britton
Turn Two To The Limit

Once again, the guys on the covers are interchangeable. It seems that there's a dearth of romance novel models. Anyone out there tired of their day job? DocTurtle?

Anonymous said...

Damn, if cameo appearances sell books, I'm just going to have page after page of cameos. In wouldn't even matter what genre!

Lovecraftian Horror:
'As the hideous, amorphous fish-thing raised it's incomprehensible bulk from the luminous mire, Carter turned back, and said "run, Edward Norton, run for your life!"'

'Drake slammed the phone down in the cradle. "The president isn't calling of the air strike," he said, grimly. There was a tangible silence as the group considered their next move. They were the world's most lethal and effective espionage force, made up of seasoned intelligence agents from every corner of the globe; specialists in demolitions and martial arts, and also Cate Blanchett.'

Contemporary Fiction:
'I was growing used to the idea of my cancer. I almost felt like I was defining the cancer for a change, whereas before, it has always defined me. My mother had never been able to make that step: by the time it was diagnosed, her cancer was ready to kill her. I would be luckier than she had been. I knew then what I had to do: I had to thank Brad and Angelina for all their support.'

yellojkt said...

How do we know it is really Carl Edwards? Do they have pictures of him typing the manuscript or anything?

Anonymous said...

Although this has nothing to do with covers, did you know that only 1 in 4 people has read a book this year? I guess that number will improve when OJ's new and improved book is published in September. I'm sure the cover, "I Did It" will get the numbers up.

Bybee said...

Doc Turtle,
I'm sorry that Maughta has been so under the weather this summer, but you make an excellent pinch-hitter.

Miss Maggie said...

Thanks, Bybee. I think I'll keep him around!

Anonymous said...

What the fuck is the preceding post and how did it get there?? Once you get past the mis-spellings you then understand this is racist shit!

Anonymous said...

yeah, I agree with maughtamom...That was weird. Maybe it was his own form of commentary on the Nascar trash books?

Anonymous said...

Coolest spam comment ever!

Anonymous said...

And by "coolest", I should probably clarify that I mean "most totally insane".

Anonymous said...

So...nine days later...anybody there?

DocTurtle said...

deadlytoque: Are we sure that that's not Kenneth Eng again? I have a feeling that comment is written roughly as lucidly as Eng's half-demented ramblings are.

Anonymous said...

Actually, it would make sense, especially with his repeated cries of "Read the book".

For the record, I copy-and-pasted that whack of insanity into a Word document, and it came out at 67 pages.

I kinda feel bad for the guy, actually... It's pretty clear he's gone off his meds.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, that screed is a textbook example of the kind of things paranoid schizophrenics write. Somebody is, literally, off his meds in a very sad way.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure that post was both "to the limit" and "on the edge"... of SANITY! Zing!

Anonymous said...

That whacked-out comment shows up on at least 1200 blogs. No kidding.

Copypasta at its most.