Hump Day, Paranormal Edition

Hey, y'all. So I asked all my fans on ye olde facebook today what theme we should have for Wednesdays and Ashley V came through with a winner.

Presenting Hump Wednesday, a day for taking aim at all those cookie cutter romances that litter the grocery store book aisle.*

Today's target is paranormal romances.

Wow, there's a lot of crap going on. Ice, weird tribal tattoo things, some sort of gate, and a whole lot of words. You think with all this going on, they could give some thought to our heroine, rather than making her look like some kind of albino stripper. Oh, wait, is she the vamp? That makes sense to me!

As Twilight has taught us, stalkers are sexy. Especially ones with big poofy lips and explody-hands. Quick poll: would you read a romance that called the hero a "stalker"? Nope, me neither.

Are they transparent? They're transparent, aren't they. Sex'd be a bit more interesting if you could evanesce, wouldn't it? No more cuddling or awkward "relationship" convos anymore!

*no offense meant to the authors of these books, I know they work hard and are cooler than I!


Deray said...

A stalker as the protagonist? that is creepy!!! I'll stick to my victorian romance novels, jajaajaja.

JamiSings said...

When you think about it, stalker as a romantic hero isn't a new thing. Take Erik AKA The Phantom Of The Opera. Technically he was a stalker. Yet any intelligent woman can see he really loved Christine while Raoul just wanted to possess her.

How can you tell this, you may ask. Well, simple - Christine loved and lived to sing. Erik would've allowed her to keep on singing, even stay in the opera. Raoul wanted her to give up music completely so she could be the perfect little trophy wife.

I'm sure Gaston never meant for Erik to really be the hero. But he was.

And while I wouldn't want a stalker IRL - had someone basically do that to me at work for awhile, too creepy - I'd choose Erik over Raoul any day!

BikerPuppy said...

LOL - nice analysis, Jami!! But other than that, stalkers = not romantic or enticing.

The first cover is really crappy, but I have to say, that guy is smokin' hot! I was hoping he was the vamp so he could sneak in through my bedroom door keyhole some night....

Anonymous said...

I like the huge "nocturne BITES"

Erin said...

Do you think Lady Gaga also posed for the covers of "Holiday with a Vampire I & II"? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's her there in Volume III.

Nicole "Gidget" Kalstein said...

Vampire: why are they wearing so little? They're in some sort of ice...cave or something. Do these cover artists/designers use their brains?

Stalker: I don't understand this stalker craze. Is there a large demographic of girls with a stalker fetish out there? Maybe *we're* the minority here. Maybe *we* are the weird ones for not liking stalkers. Eh? I didn't think so.

Bewitching: that girl's arm is frighteningly skinny. Give that woman a slab of steak!

(Sorry for the long comment, Lyndee has so much to say!)