We're going to Pump You Up!

Stolen shamelessly from Awful Library Books is this little gem guaranteed to increase that most important muscle...no, not the lurve muscle, we'll leave that for Phridays, but rather the MIND muscle!


Because not only does he have shiny shoulders and no neck, but he has a Doctorate! In education!!* And he's apparently overcompensating with that party-in-the-back hair.

*You ever notice that the only people who put letters after their names are writing books only tangentially related to said degree?

Freudian?

Admit it. You read that title as "Black Ass Blood" the first time, didn't you!

If this woman stands up straight, she won't fall over, but only because her butt sticks out as much in the back as her boobs do in the front. They balance each other out.

Don't get too close, Mr. Skeleton -- she could poke your eye out with those pointy gravity-defying mams!

*Sorry Maughta, I couldn't find any good Phallic Phriday covers, so I went with the easier-to-find mammary/booty cover.




And just because it amused me so much last time, behold: another Jimmy Doohan novel!




I'm pretty sure his head is actually a space station in this one. I am sure this appears somewhere in the story:

"Doohan Station, this is Derra Privateer, requesting permission to dock with Nostril 1."

"Permission granted, Derra Privateer. Please proceed through mustache for decontamination prior to docking."

Sultry Sunday #31: The Pop Sensation Crossover

Hey. It's been nearly four months since I posted over here. Uh... sorry? I was busy? The dog ate it? Anyway, behold this woman:

-----

Paperback 302: Bantam 407 (1st ptg, 1948)

Title: Behold This Woman
Author: David Goodis
Cover artist: William Shoyer


Best things about this cover:

• Only four?
• Behold these boobs!
• Love the guy's hand: "... must ... not ... fondle ..."
• Notice how often woman is front and center on pb covers while man is off to side, lopped off, seen from behind, kind of in shadows, etc. Woman is meant to be a very particular dish, while man is usu. a kind of Everyman. Or Anysap, I guess.
• Now that I look more closely at the picture, I think that the guy is an interior decorator who is having a coronary after witnessing the pink rococo orgasm that is this room.

Best things about this back cover:

• I'm going to go with ... the knife jammed into the window sill. Yes, that's the best thing.
• Actually, I'm loving the little blue and pink Yes / Buts.
• Wow, the original cover girl for "Behold This Woman" was all kinds of ugly.

Page 123~

The gray-haired man was annoyed. "What do you mean, help you?" he said. "What do you take me for, an ignoramus?"

~RP

[Follow Rex Parker on Twitter]

From our good friends over at Boing Boing (via my good friend, Rima) comes this truly delightful Phallic Phriday installation for your perusal and enjoyment.


There's so much to love about this cover I don't even know where to begin! Should I start with the naked woman with bubble-boobs holding a smoking dildo, or the slathering-mawed vagina dentata we've got going on in the lower right? Nah, let's just skip to the chase, shall we, and focus in on the turgid and pointy shaft our hero (he of the many extra muscles) is wielding against said vaginal gaping maw. Eeeek!

Phallic Phriday '70s Style!

Looks like our friends over at Retrospace are havin' fun with book covers! Check out what's on tap for their book club this month!



Look, do you even need me to spell it out anymore (spell it out, get it!!)? Candles = phallus. Hot chick with her thighs wide open clutching a candle on a book cover = Phallic Phriday phun!

For those of you who like to learn a skill while you read...

Did you know there is actually a market for mysteries revolving around knitting? And needlework? And crocheting? And scrapbooking? Well, now you know. Each of these below is part of a series.

From Amazon: When Angelina's body washes up in the cove, Izzy and her knitting group vow to discover who hated Angelina enough to want the woman dead. A knitting pattern for a scarf rounds out a cozy many will find an ideal beach read.

Dyer Consequences (A Knitting Mystery)

From Amazon: Readers may guess early on who’s responsible for the mayhem, but, happily, the why unwinds more slowly. Knitters will welcome the pattern for the same cloche hat that Kelly is knitting, and a recipe for pecan pie goes down easy, too.

Unraveled Sleeve (Needlecraft Mystery)

From Amazon: And when she dreams of a murder before it happens, she really isn't going to get any rest until she untangles the crime.

By Hook or by Crook (Crochet Mystery Series #3)

From BN.com: Meet the happy crafter who believes every mystery should be unraveled.

Death Swatch: A Scrapbooking Mystery (Scrapbooking Mysteries)

From Amazon: Well-developed main and secondary characters mesh nicely with the vibrant setting and with details on the design of scrapbook pages.

Now I'm not knocking these as hobbies -- I have actually knitted quite a few scarves in my time (and potholders, and anything else rectangular). But it never occurred to me to seek out knitting mysteries. I wonder if there's crochet sci fi? "As I crocheted the last few stitches to my new space suit, I thought ahead to how the needlework on my cargo captain patch might be designed...."