9.02.2009

Bellybutton Baen Day

What comes between Mammary Monday and Phallic Phriday? Bellybutton Baen Day, of course! Those of you who are new readers may not be familiar with the special place in our hearts we reserve for Baen covers. In fact, I typically assume that when I see a crazy sci-fi cover that it's gonna be a Baen. So I pooped round to Baen's website today, to see what kind of groovy crazy shit we can see today. Welcome, once again, to the wacky world of Baen!



He's holding something, but I don't think it's made of stone! Let's count the phallic images, shall we? We've got the sword, the castle in the background, the broken stumpy thing in the background, even the little old man's head looks kinda phallicky. Am I missing any?

Is anyone else thinking, "jump jump jump jump"? Quick question: How long do you think an unprotected human can last in the dead of space? No, I'm sorry Douglas Adams, the answer is not almost thirty seconds. Your blood would boil long before that. Cats, on the other hand, can last indefinitely. It's one of their little known evil powers.


And finally, a perfect example of why Baen gets its own day in between Mammary Monday and Phallic Phriday. Mammaries and phallicies in the same cover--SCORE! Okay, so it's not so much the painted-on suits or the chubby guns that have fascinated me about this cover. Rather, it's the fishbowl that she's clutching. They can paint on body armor suitable for space, but you still need a bubble-head helmet? Guess she doesn't want to mush her '90s perm.

15 comments:

BikerPuppy said...

I can't even imagine going in for a fitting for that suit! The boob measurements have to be exact -- you'd think it would help with the droop, but it didn't!

kgbooklog said...

The best part is that both of them have phallic guns and mammary suits. Hurray for gender equality!

Torsten Adair said...

Don't be too sure about that last one... the figure in the back sports a cameltoe.

Jason Creighton said...

Quick question: How long do you think an unprotected human can last in the dead of space? No, I'm sorry Douglas Adams, the answer is not almost thirty seconds. Your blood would boil long before that.

Not true, actually, Douglas Adams was about right with the 30 seconds number, but wrong with his advice to hold your breath:

How long can a human live unprotected in space?

If you don't try to hold your breath, exposure to space for half a minute or so is unlikely to produce permanent injury. Holding your breath is likely to damage your lungs, something scuba divers have to watch out for when ascending, and you'll have eardrum trouble if your Eustachian tubes are badly plugged up, but theory predicts -- and animal experiments confirm -- that otherwise, exposure to vacuum causes no immediate injury. You do not explode. Your blood does not boil. You do not freeze. You do not instantly lose consciousness.


(from the human body in a vacuum at NASA).

So "2001" got it right and every other movie showing humans in a hard vacuum got it wrong.

JamiSings said...

The clouds in the background look somewhat phallicky to me. Or maybe they're suppose to be sperm? The way they're big on one end and the rest is a long tail?

Does anyone else see it or has this site just corrupted me?

Lyndee said...

*gasp* You're right, Torsten Adair...he DOES have a cameltoe!

And Jami, I didn't see that on my own, but now that you mention it...the clouds do look a little Phallic.

Atrus said...

Is it me or does the girl in Fledgling have enormous (and not the same size of) arms?

Anonymous said...

he does have s camel toe, even though I must say, I spottet hers first... Let us assume in the furute we all have the equal right to sport camel toes....

hvoorhees said...

To be fair, she's rocking a pretty hardcore 90s perm. I haven't seen hair that sweet since the CMAs, circa 2004.

Sexy Sadie said...

What happens if that cat falls into space?

Liana Brooks said...

Why does she have saggy boobs in a spacesuit? I'm just... wow... Baen. For shame.

melpomene said...

I missed the cloud thing, but the meteorite and the dash in the third cover is very deceptive. my first thought was 'dang, ovary and sperm.'it took me a while to figure out it was just an antennae and a piece of space rock, but by then it was too late.

Anonymous said...

If you look at Mr Stoneholder -- erm, Stoneholding -- that piece of cloth under the hand holding the sword looks like a giant scrotum. One large enough to match the giant phallic sword.

Adnoxious said...

Well, your blood would boil if it happened to be floating around in a cloud outside of your body, but as long as it remains in a sealed system that is never exposed to vacuum, like, say, your circulatory system, it will remain emphatically non-bubbly. If your blood vessels were so perforated that your blood was boiling away into space, I'd say vacuum is the least of your worries.

Anonymous said...

I love looking at humorous things on the ol' Internets, but I've never laughed so violently that I've sprayed flecks of spittle onto the computer screen. But now I have, and it's all because of one phrase:

"chubby guns."

I'm usually pretty quick to get a joke, but that one puzzled me for a second. Chubby guns? What, are they overly fat? Yes, I suppose that's odd...

Oh, no. Oh, God. *Chubby* guns. (Spit sprays out, covers screen and manuscript sitting in front of me, waiting for its fifth or sixth round of editing).

You win, JABBIC.