2.25.2008

Naughty Nurses

So there's a restaurant in Denver that's one of my favorites. It's called White Fence Farm (funny story: When DocTurtle and I were first going out I talked about the restaurant to him and he thought I was saying White Friends Farm, which caused him to question my political leanings a bit...), and it has the best fried chicken and beets and bean salad and corn fritters ever. "Why in the hell is Maughta telling me this?" you may ask yourself. Well, self, the answer is that every January White Fence Farm closes for a month for "repairs and renovations" which is a fancy way of saying that they need to get new menus printed up with a new and exciting jacked-up price.

In that same spirit, Judge a Book took a little hiatus for the month of February to repair and renovate. And jack-up the prices. Well, not really, but in the spirit of keeping this blog ad-free I've added a DONATE button to the sidebar. Help Maughta buy more books. What else are you gonna do with your tax return?

But Maughta, you say, why have you tempted us with the title Naughty Nurses (take THAT, google safe search!) and then talked about nothing for two paragraphs? You're absolutely right! Let the Naughty Nurses roll!


First up is a little something I like to call TOO MUCH SHIT ON THE COVER!

We've got nine elements:
* Silhouette
* Desire
* 15 Years (in a banner)
* Man of the Month (in trendy font)
* Author as Seen on Primetime TV (let's hope it was on Cops)
* Author's name (no-one really cares)
* Itty-bitty little title (no-one really cares about that, either)
* A blurb by NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR JAYNE ANN KRENTZ! (community service, perhaps?)
* And finally, to pull it all together, Skanky-Ralph-Macchio as NURSE.

Wow, Cover Artist, how did you manage to fit that all on the cover of a little tiny paperback? And make it so fantastically lame? Well done.

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The following is a community service message: DO NOT BE TEMPTED TO SELF PUBLISH YOUR BOOK. People will only make fun of you.


This book is $20 on Amazon. I hope Leeanne has a lot of friends willing to shell that out.

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I'd choose to not stand by the smokestacks, myself. And to not wear that stupid collar. But seriously, how does a girl decide between a Sugar Daddy and a studly blond Doctor? It can't be done, I tell ya!

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The Beach Boys can only dream about such things. Oh, Laurie, don't lose your Doctor to the waves! Why else get your RN degree unless it comes with an MRS degree to a pretty MD? I hope a shark eats their faces. (Thanks, Eric, although perhaps I should have used this for Phallic Phriday?)

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And finally, a challenge for Nurse Genie and her chiropractor. A nice close-up of the creepy hands on the back there. (Thanks, Jeanne Genie!)



13 comments:

Josh said...

"Diana Palmer" is the maiden name of the Phantom's wife, by the way. She's supposed to be some kind of UN bigwig, but apparently she writes romance novels on the side?

That Perscription for Love cover is the funniest thing ever. Do you suppose self-published authors get their friends to pose for the cover? Sexy blonde doctor is grinning a shit-eating "I just boinked the nurse" grin, but I can't decide whether said nurse is supposed to be holding a pregnancy test (positive, natch) or a digital thermometer (rectal, we can hope).

srah said...

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0658199/

Ha!

Snow said...

You're right, Josh! It has to be a pregnancy test, and not the nail file I had first assumed. Because a naughty nurse needs nice nails.

Doesn't "A Nurse's Choice" look like a Choose Your Own Adventure book?

Susanna said...

Looks like Raiford Cay has used the Vulcan Death Grip on poor Nurse Genie.

Snow said...

Thanks for the reminder about White Fence Farm. I was taken there on a date once. Well, I didn't know it was supposed to be a date.

Anonymous said...

Maughta, I just went to White Fence Sunday night, and they didn't raise their prices this year. Oh, and you forgot the yummy cottage cheese. Good to see you o(off your hiatus. Welcome back. Maughtamom

yellojkt said...

I'm pretty sure my wife reads Diane Palmer. I like to make fun of the titles and tell her they are always about me.

The.Effing.Librarian said...

darn, someone beat me to the rectal thermometer gag; oh well, no comment from me then. (glad you're back.)

DocTurtle said...

Prescription for Love: "I'm not a doctor, but I play one on my friend's self-published novel's cover."

Meanwhile, the cover of The Patient Nurse belongs on the case of a really cheesy medical-themed porn flick called Friends and Enemas.

sexy sadie said...

The guy on the Prescription For Love cover reminds me of Piers Crispin from My Hero, with the same goofy expression. I think anyone who's seen that show would agree.

Andrea said...

I'm just trying to figure out what that guy is doing to Nurse Genie. None of those men are doctors... and the look in her eyes is either paralized with fright or heavily sedated. Either way it can't spell good for old Nurse Genie. Maybe one of the sea captains is secretly a mass murderer who burys people miles out at sea...

WJM said...

Sugar Daddy looks suspiciously like a younger Conrad Black. (Sorry, CanCon reference.)

Anonymous said...

Actually, Diana Palmer's name is one that does sell books.

Krentz probably provided a quote because she also published in the Desire line. She had some interesting books for Desire -- my favorite is "Wizard," where a professor gets more than he planned for.

-- crankyshopper