De gustibus non est disputandum. There's no accounting for taste.
5.20.2009
Contest!
A free bit of absolutely nothing* to the first person who can tell me what the fuck that thing on the cover is. Extra points if you make me laugh and throw up a little in my mouth (which is what happened when I first looked at the cover).
Seriously, what is that?? Mucus sushi?
*besides my gratitude and whatever fame you get from being clever on a blog...which is a lot, right???!
A man's girlfriend accidentally cut off his penis during Valentine's Day S&M while he was wearing a cinnamon-flavored condom. He died as a result, hence he was "romanced to death". Little did she know that he had gotten surgery to make the cross-section heart-shaped. He intended for her to kill him so she would see the heart. It wasn't the first time she had done this to a man; she had a case where she stored these remains. The case is what the cover is depicting.
OK, I did NOT see Me2U's comment before I posted mine... just for the record. I'd ask "what are the odds?", but around here I know that they're actually pretty good. ;)
See, I wanted to say something clever about it being an aphordisiac made out of frog spawn and lizard tongues, but being that I can't spell aphrodisiac correctly and I'm not very clever I just cannot put it all together.
Maybe someone with a non-penis centered mind could come up with something based on what I said.
Well, speaking literally, I believe that's a bit of candy like the weird and nasty tasting stuff you can get around Xmas with little trees and whatnot in the center.
Speaking otherwise, I'd have to vote for Erik's answer.
Not sure if you wanted the real answer or a funny answer, but it's a piece of one of those old-fashioned hard candies that's a long stick with a design that runs the whole way through the middle, and the stick is broken into small cross-sections. (I don't know if this stuff has a name--it's sort of like seaside rock, but not exactly.) You get it in Christmas Candy mixtures, but I suppose this is a Valentine's day version.
Well, I have to take in the cover by the whole. The title is "Romanced to Death", meaning that somebody is essentially murdered by romance.
***FAKE BLURB***
Susan looked at the hand-made candies her chocolatier boyfriend made for their anniversary. They were a bizarre combination of red licorice and white chocolate buttercream...
Or so she thought. Little did she know that the buttercream was really his drug-addicted roommate's semen. He had dissolved strychnine crystals in the licorice while he made it.
Steve had had enough of her nagging. It was remarkably easy to poison someone when you were a chocolatier. She didn't suspect a thing.
It's a sexy version of a Turducken. Let's call it Sheathcumpis - A little bit of Cupid's penis nestled inside some seminal fluid *of love*, all wrapped in the hot swollen sheath of a horny beast-like creature.
It's a voodoo love candle, of course. We're seeing the bottom here. The other side has a small wick. When it burns down, it heats the heart, which is a super-soft metal, infused with dye and held in asbestos. The brand is laid on the flesh of your lover, just warm enough to transfer the dye to the skin, where it remains unless removed by the priestess who made the candle. If the toxic red dye doesn't get you, the effects of having asbestos melted into your skin will take you out over time.
I worked in a public library. I saw literally thousands of books every week; the good, the bad, and the truly hideous. These are the covers from the latter category. Joining me (Maughta) is the ever-popular pinch hitter (and handy husband) DocTurtle.
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16 comments:
A man's girlfriend accidentally cut off his penis during Valentine's Day S&M while he was wearing a cinnamon-flavored condom. He died as a result, hence he was "romanced to death". Little did she know that he had gotten surgery to make the cross-section heart-shaped. He intended for her to kill him so she would see the heart. It wasn't the first time she had done this to a man; she had a case where she stored these remains. The case is what the cover is depicting.
It's a cross-section of Fabio's penis.
OK, I did NOT see Me2U's comment before I posted mine... just for the record. I'd ask "what are the odds?", but around here I know that they're actually pretty good. ;)
Haha...great minds think alike
See, I wanted to say something clever about it being an aphordisiac made out of frog spawn and lizard tongues, but being that I can't spell aphrodisiac correctly and I'm not very clever I just cannot put it all together.
Maybe someone with a non-penis centered mind could come up with something based on what I said.
Well, speaking literally, I believe that's a bit of candy like the weird and nasty tasting stuff you can get around Xmas with little trees and whatnot in the center.
Speaking otherwise, I'd have to vote for Erik's answer.
I think it is one of those candy's from valentine's day blown up about 400 times. Notice too it's kind of hovering in mid-air. Spooky.
Cinnamon or cherry? Cherry...definitely cherry...
Not sure if you wanted the real answer or a funny answer, but it's a piece of one of those old-fashioned hard candies that's a long stick with a design that runs the whole way through the middle, and the stick is broken into small cross-sections. (I don't know if this stuff has a name--it's sort of like seaside rock, but not exactly.) You get it in Christmas Candy mixtures, but I suppose this is a Valentine's day version.
Well, I have to take in the cover by the whole. The title is "Romanced to Death", meaning that somebody is essentially murdered by romance.
***FAKE BLURB***
Susan looked at the hand-made candies her chocolatier boyfriend made for their anniversary. They were a bizarre combination of red licorice and white chocolate buttercream...
Or so she thought. Little did she know that the buttercream was really his drug-addicted roommate's semen. He had dissolved strychnine crystals in the licorice while he made it.
Steve had had enough of her nagging. It was remarkably easy to poison someone when you were a chocolatier. She didn't suspect a thing.
It's a sexy version of a Turducken. Let's call it Sheathcumpis - A little bit of Cupid's penis nestled inside some seminal fluid *of love*, all wrapped in the hot swollen sheath of a horny beast-like creature.
Cum gum.
-- Feral Boy
It's a voodoo love candle, of course. We're seeing the bottom here. The other side has a small wick. When it burns down, it heats the heart, which is a super-soft metal, infused with dye and held in asbestos. The brand is laid on the flesh of your lover, just warm enough to transfer the dye to the skin, where it remains unless removed by the priestess who made the candle. If the toxic red dye doesn't get you, the effects of having asbestos melted into your skin will take you out over time.
It looks like food but it doesn't seem very appetizing.
Why has no-one pointed that the 'shadow' can't decide if it's a shadow or a reflection?
- bitbot
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