Sunscreen Is Our Friend
I'm sorry, chica, but the real enemy is not "SATAN" (those quotes represent Dana Carvey as the Church Lady doing finger quotes, by the way....work with me here, people, being funny in print is so much harder than in-person snark!)...where was I? Oh, yeah. The real enemy is the sun. That great big ball of flaming gas in the sky is don't terrible things to your skin. Sheesh, you look like you've been rode hard and put away wet, girlfriend. I don't care if you're on the cover of a Christian novel, put a little moisturizer around those eyes. Jesus will forgive you for "tarting" up.
Then maybe we can talk about your lip gloss color...