2.10.2010

Stock up for your next road trip!

So you're planning a road trip with the kids this summer, but you want to do it old school, the way your own parents did with you. No DVD player or PSPs, no iPods or books on tape. You want the family to experience the joy of togetherness, trapped in a wood-paneled station wagon with no air-conditioning, sweaty thighs sticking to the vinyl seats, kids complaining about siblings entering "their space" on the seat, middle kid whining about having to sit on the hump, with radio stations fading in and out as the miles wear on.... Ahhhh, good times. Or, at least, they make good stories to tell the younger generation. Seriously, though, if you're going to do this kind of old school trip, you need to have a good songbook of old favorites ("She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain" and "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" are always big hits!) and some games to play. Licence plate bingo gets a little dull when traveling through the Dakotas, as you're more likely to pass a cow than a car, so here are some books that will help you pass the time, while teaching valuable lessons to the kids!

First, we have What Bird Did That? A driver's guide to some common birds of North America. Finally, you'll know which bird to blame for that atomic blast covering your entire windshield! Next, we have the ever-popular Flattened Fauna: A Field Guide to Common Animals of Roads, Streets and Highways (Revised). Now you'll be able to distinguished a squished woodchuck from a splattered opossum and look like a pro!
Finally we have That Gunk on Your Car: A Unique Guide to Insects of North America. What a treasure this is. They come at you so fast and leave such a colorful mess that you can't help but wonder "what the hell was that??" (This is also useful for motorcycle riders to help figure out what kind of protein they just swallowed.) Fun for the whole family!

And finally, when you get home from your trip, tired and sweaty, you'll want to know what kind of animals crapped all over your lawn while you were away. Was it the neighbor's cat again? Or are coyotes coming down from the hills for the summer? Or were the rumors of bear sightings true? Now you'll know exactly with this handy dandy guide. What Shat That?: A Pocket Guide to Poop Identity.
Happy trails!!

5 comments:

Karen T said...

I actually want to buy all of these books. They sound hysterical!

Alissa said...

I want to know if the final entry has a special section on dog poop breaking it down by breed that would be helpful for me. The next time I step on some on the sidewalk I'll know which of my neighbors is to blame.

The Blog Fodder said...

The best blog ever. Especially for someone who remembers the road trips described. Except we had a '48 Ford. no wood paneled station wagon.

shushie said...

Ugh, I'm imagining all the photographs that must accompany the helpful descriptions within and how long it probably took the authors to collect them.

"Dammit honey! Why did you have to use the wipers?! That was a perfect specimen of woodpecker shit!"

DarkWyrm said...

I have been shopping at all the wrong book stores. The managers will hear about this sad void in their inventory.