11.30.2009

Good Monday Morning!



This is a phenomenon of fantasy novel covers that I just don't understand. Slightly bigger pic of the cover art below (Title is In the Rift.)








Why would any sane woman (maybe I presume too much?) wear a cloak, a fur chastity belt, fur-lined boots and all-over leather for warmth in a harsh winter climate, yet leave her chest completely uncovered? I suppose it's a good strategy for luring silly male adventurers into her wily trap, but it can lead to all manner of health problems. Seriously, that's sensitive skin she's leaving open to frostbite; after all, nothing is more attractive than a woman whose nipple has cracked off from cold, right? Eww. I'd point out that she apparently carries her dagger in a scabbard meant for a full sized sword, but that's outside the scope of a Mammary Monday post.



On the same theme, this girl (I assume it's a girl from the brassiere, but the face makes me question that assumption) is so impressed with her own abs that she's willing to risk losing her tatas to the cold just to show them off! Not to mention that bare skin is a terrible defense against a spear!

I'm going to start a new Facebook group: Women for more sensible armor. Who's with me??

17 comments:

Alissa said...

I'm with you. Women are far too sensible to wear such ridiculous clothing into battle!

Rex Parker said...

I gotta disagree. If you are fighting men (sex-starved men), those boobs need to be out. They're lethally attention-grabbing. Plus, if you've ever seen Red Sonja fight ... well, she makes this woman look Amish, is all I'm sayin'.

rp

Wordwitch said...

I would join that Facebook group!

Also, I think the sword that belongs in the full-sized scabbard in stuck in the monster. I hope she puts some effort into retrieving it!

Frank said...

The Ancient looks like a spinning instructor with a fur cape on.

kgbooklog said...

Women for more sensible armor.

Here, have another one:
http://www.amazon.ca/gp/reader/0765310015

Jean said...

Start that group, I will totally join!

Vicki said...

Gee, I just looked on facebook and there's no such group yet. Please make it so I can join and promote the cause to my friends! :-)

Maughta said...

You can now join the group "Women for More Sensible Armor" on Facebook! Huzzah! Join the fun, y'all!

cassandrajade said...

You should probably never examine any female computer game character and the armour they get put into. I always question the common sense of the designers and then shrug it off, but I had never thought about the covers of books before. Clearly these women need to have their heads examined.
Thanks for sharing this excellent post.

Anonymous said...

I'm a guy - who likes to see tatas - totally the target group for those cheesy covers, so no, not with you on that one ;)

BikerPuppy said...

Cassandra, as a huge video game fan, I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm currently playing (actually, replaying for the 4th time) Dragon Age: Origins, and one of the first things I do when Morrigan joins the party is change her outfit. Even if it's to something that lowers her attributes, I just want her boobs covered. I'm a straight woman with absolutely no interest in other women, and even I can't stop staring at them! Somehow, the male characters always seem to be fully covered (although I like how the armor manages to show off their six-packs while still covering them).

Lyndee said...

Well, for that matter, the guys on these covers often have their boobs out in arctic climates as well. Maybe these characters have boobs with exoskeletons that keep the cold out?
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B. Durbin said...

One of the reasons I've always liked the art of fantasy artist Robin Wood is that she has a tendency to put her female heroes in sensible clothing. Michael Whelan does as well, at least when he does realistically worn clothing, though he often creates outfits that are so elaborate, filigreed, and jaw-droppingly gorgeous that they're just as unrealistic. (But very, very pretty.)

The parody short story series Chicks in Chainmail had several stories which featured the silliness of traditional fantasy armor. One of them had the female heroes involved magic away their breasts while they were out fighting, so that they could wear more sensible armor...

Melanthios said...

Also: woman in the first picture is not wear a bra oh god the pain she is going to be in if she even thinks about swinging that knife around in combat.

Melissa said...

At least no one is wearing a chainmail bra - that has always made me want to whimper in sympathetic pain.

Wolfwood said...

I always abhor seeing any bra in pre-20th century contexts to begin with, given that the bra was invented a lot later than any middle ages themed period could cover.

jane dough said...

Yes! I have been advocating for such a group!