12.31.2008

Library Book Sale Gems

Fresh off my latest gig as a romance reviewer (I'll post the last words on Georgette Heyer's An infamous army in the next couple of days), I thought I'd come back to the meat 'n' potatoes of Judge a Book by its Cover for some good old fashioned cover snark.

Today's pair come courtesy of our afternoon's perusal of the Swannanoa (NC) Library's ongoing book sale. (If you're ever in Swannanoa, stop in and say hi to the branch manager, she's as cool as librarians come!)

For the first course, it's...


Beating up on Baen is like taking candy from a baby, but damn. I think I once saw this rendered on black velvet at a flea market.

What's there to be said here? I'll pull a Rex Parker and count 'em off:

1. Dude, Chuck Norris is ripped. And pissed. I would be too, if someone stole my pupils.

2. This could be a still from one of the cheesier episodes of the original Star Trek. You know, one of those wherein all of the Enterprise's crucial crew members got caught in a tachyon inversion field and got time warped into feudal Japan?

3. How much did Yuengling shell out for this spot?

I'm almost sorry that I didn't take a look at page 123.

For our second course, it's...


I love the fact that the reviewer's last name is "Sturgeon." Hee hee! Ah, bell-bottoms. John Travolta's lookin' pretty raw.

1. "Run! Run! The Fontainebleau is gonna blow!"

2. I wonder how the cover artist got the rights to use the trademarked "Choose Your Own Adventure" font?

3. I'm sure the dilithium crystal's gonna come in handy for the warp drive, but what possible use is the chick on the right gonna find for that trifold presentation board? "I've got to finish my study on the effects of zero-gravity on gerbil sex for tomorrow's shipwide Science Fair!"

That's all I've got right now, folks. What can you come up with?

6 comments:

Cobwebs said...

Heh. "The reviewer's" last name is Sturgeon?

That's Theodore Sturgeon. Big-name classic SF writer, and originator of Sturgeon's Law, which is probably applicable in this case.

How they got him to review this turkey is another question entirely.

Jessie said...

I am so glad I'm not alone in seeing that font and immediately thinking of Choose Your Own Adventure. I was feeling a bit crazy there.

Ivy said...

Is Mr. Norris wearing a thong on his head? Also- I love how non-asian the "Samurai" looks. I can only assume it's an alternate history featuring Native American Samurai.

Rex Parker said...

Way to pull a me! It's very effective. I genuinely LOL'd.

rp

xenobiologista said...

How on earth do you pronounce "Yngling"? "Ingling"? "Yingling?"

My Yinglish languish very the not good...

Hannah said...

@Cobwebs: They may have taken the quote out of context.

"This stupid book is an insult to everything that has deep space and high adventure," for instance.

And I love the dramatic foreshortening of the main dude's leg. It makes absolutely no sense, because his smaller foot is nearly the same size as the lady's foot and they're both ont he same plane and gah. Just random and bad.