Early Phallus

I'm gonna be in Morgantown, WV on Friday so I guess we can do Phallic Phriday a little early (which is better than my normal schedule, which is doing it a little late!).

I really like the Dresden books by Jim Butcher. Imagine Sam Spade as a wizard and you pretty much get the idea. Since I'm also (generally) a fan of "high fantasy" I figured I'd give Furies of Calderon a whirl. It was, sadly, pretty mediocre, but you didn't come here for my recommendations, right? NO! You came here for bad book covers. And Phallic book covers at that! Never let it be said that I disappoint my audience.

Yeah, like that's not trying to attract 14 year-old boys.

"Naked zombie-winds are attacking! I shall smite them with my rod of steel. My pointy-headed sword will take care of that!"

Hey, when something works, there's no shame in reusing it.

"My bulbous spear will certainly take care of these water lions!"

And again.

"I'm so manly I have two!"


Snow said...

As you can see in the Furies of Calderon cover, the character's real phallus is much less inspiring than the sword.

Have you ever seen lamer looking fiery demon dingos than the ones on the cover of Captain's Fury?

YNL said...

God, and each time the weapon is pointing right at the spectral crotch of his opponent. Nice.

Snow said...

You're right, ynl. I had completely missed the spectral crotch targeting. Our hero's conversation with the healer, "Ever since I "fought" the demon dingos, I've had this burning sensation when I pee."

Faith said...

I noticed the same thing ynl did. Too funny!

Anonymous said...

OK, so I'm going to admit that I thought Furies of Calderon was actually pretty good - I liked it better than the Dresden Files. However, sometimes I like books because I'm unaware of better written stuff out there. (As the brief period when I like Sword of Truth taught me.) So, is there any same-genre stuff that you liked better than the Codex Alera series?

Maughta said...


Two words for you: Melanie Rawn.

Four other words: George R. R. Martin (fire and ice series).

Readers, any suggestions?

sarah said...

That's so strange-- I just found your blog through photoshopdisasters, and I live in Morgantown, WV. Hope you liked it here.

Stephen M. St. Onge said...

I just thought I'd mention that I think the "Codex Alera" series has gotten better with each novel. Furies of Calderon was more or less Butcher's first novel, rewritten years later.

xenobiologista said...

"Cursor's Fury"?

What, the little white arrow on the computer monitor?

A Paperback Writer said...

Oh, wow.
I really needed this laugh today. Thanks!!

word verification:
lax u buns? a variant of lazybuns?

Timothy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Timothy said...

Did Jim write any books that don't have the word "FURY" in the title?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, these covers were pretty bad. Compared to the Dresden books the Fury ones ae awful. I do think the books themselves get much better as they go on. I almost didn't finish reading the first one but now I'm eager to get the next.

Maya said...

timothy: Yeah, all his other books that are part of a different series.

sexy sadie said...

For a moment I thought that said "Captain's Furry".

Sabina said...

These covers are pretty atrocious, but i have to say that the books themselves are really good. And women in them are pretty rocking.


I also like:

Michael Swanwick
Simon R Green
Mike Carey (The Devil You Know)
Rob Thurman
Wen Spencer
Liz Williams (Detective Inspector Chen Novels)

Anonymous said...

I had that same problem, Sadie! At first I thought it said Furries of Calderon! The giant mystical animals on the covers of the other two books didn't help.