6.25.2007

Mammary Monday -- Pulp Edition

Faithful reader Bryan R Terry has been a busy boy. He's done my job for me, and provided links to all of the following covers. (Have I mentioned I love my readers?) He swears he's not obsessed, but he knows someone who is. Su-u-u-u-ure ya do, Bryan! Oh-h-h-h-h-h-h, yeah!

Some of these are just so damned cool that it's going to be very difficult snarking on them. But I shall try (with assistance from my evil henchman, DocTurtle)...



Maybe this one should be for Phallic Phriday?
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YELLOW!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! The deleted scenes from Disney's Fantasia.

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Yet more yellow...

Starring Ron Jeremy as Mark Trail.
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"Heysh, hun, ya gotta corkshcrew under that towel or anythin'?" *Hic*

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Cypress Hill says: "Three thumbs up! Waaaaay up!"


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Ole'!

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"Please don't eat my ear. My ear is not for nibbling."
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"She is a Pirate Weeeeeeeeench! And she has, she has an awful stench 'cause she's a Pirate Wench!"

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Boy, Annie Lennox is totally mackin' on Bette Davis there.
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"Consider this an intervention!"

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Phallic Phriday holds Mammary Monday hostage.

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"Und now you vill stop eating my couch, ja?"

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I've saved the best for last!

Okay, folks. I don't even know where to begin on this one. Snark away, my minions!

31 comments:

maughtamom said...

Where can you buy books for $.35? Oh, is the lady in the yellow dress looking for "wonton sex"? And, I saw you needed at least one comment on this post.

Toonhead said...

The man on the cover of "The Cheaters" sort of looks like George W. Bush.

Eunice said...

The "Confinment" cover:
Her hair says she's been pushed... but her breasts says she being pulled. Perhaps gravity has suddenly stopped and she's floating - which explain both plus the surprised expressions of both her and the guard. The "woman" in green is obviously a "female impersonator" who's been put in the women's drunk tank, and is thinking her boobjob looks more natural. Hence the look of disdain.

The guard's a rebel, showing her "flare" in the only negotionable part of her uniform. I don't know if dominatrix boots are the most sensible choice - but it's her choice, and she won't apologize for it!

Bryan R. Terry said...

Bow. Bow.

A message board I belong to (on horrorworld.org) has a Sleazy Paperback Cover of the Day post. Not that anyone believes me...

kishnevi said...

And to think that my mother warned me against reading Frank Yerby because he was "dirty"...
Of course, her standard was formed by reading Forever Amber when she was about fourteen. It was actually banned in Boston, and she lived in Boston--which will tell you something about the effectiveness of banning in Boston.

My favorite of these is the "Spicy mystery". But I think it should have been placed under Phallic Phriday. After all, they were masculine skeletons, so presumably they all had boners.

ocwqhozd said...

Wait, is that a William Burroughs in the middle there?

DocTurtle said...

All I gotta say is that both Pirate Wench and Matador of Shame bury the needle on the awesomometer. These covers are classic!

carrera said...

Matador of Shame is so the name of new band.

Hey, anything Cypress Hill recommends, I'm gonna read. Best post ever!

Snow said...

"Matador of Shame" has another one of those horrible yellow backgrounds. Oddly enough, the scene is kind of touching in a private "we're frolicking" kind of way.

My first thought upon seeing "Lust League" was "Bull Durham." Note the awful use of yellow.

Isn't the needle on the cover of "Sexperiment" going to pop the blow-up doll?

"Confinement" is obviously not referring to someone's bosom.

SecretMargo said...

"The Dark Tunnel: The Story of a Homosexual Spy"?

You're right, it snarks itself. What could I possibly add?

another josh said...

Is that Jessica Rabbit from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" on the cover of "The Dark Tunnel"?

bobo said...

Was you YELLOW!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! comment misplaced? I mean, sure her dress is yellow on the Spice Mystery Stories cover, but with the Lust League and Matador of Shame covers, it's all yellow and all bad.

These covers are hilarious, though...

Maughta said...

Bobo: I actually got bored of snarking on the yellow after the first few, since yellow just seems to be such a popular color choice for these covers. I don't want to sound like a broken Beatles record (we all live in a yellow...yellow...yellow...yellow).

Ryan said...

That is indeed a Burroughs, writing as Bill Lee- the title's been restored to his spelling of Junky in more recent editions. Awesome find there.

LarryGnu said...

"The Dark Tunnel" by Kenneth Millar.

O'mi'gosh, kids! That's Ross MacDonald!

writtenwyrdd said...

OMG this is the funniest post of yours yet! And that last cover...the artist in me is doing the doggie head tilt of puzzlement. I didn't know gravity could pull in multiple directions!

Jean Lafitte said...

Matador of Shame is described at the bottom of the page as "An Evening Reader"?!? WT - if I may - F??? Is there any more blatant way of saying, read this book with one hand, cause we all know where the other will be?

lethargylass said...

Personally, my favorite one was "The Marijuana Mob" with "figure it out yourself" in parentheses. Figure what out? Why the lady forgot to finish putting her shirt on?

DocTurtle said...

Also re The Marijuana Mob: the best review they could find was a simple synopsis from the Omaha World-Herald? What was the NYT Book Review running that weekend?

Bridget said...

My favorite is Adam and Two Eves, because it's COMPLETE AND UNEXPURGATED. I'm not sure if they intended it to sound dirty or not, but it works for me.

Canaduck said...

jean lafitte--Don't forget to mention the "A Wee Hours Original" and "Idle Time" books!

Greg said...

Pirate Wench can outfight and outlove any man in her crew! Remember that Errol Flynn movie when he outloved his whole crew? Or maybe that was Russell Crowe? Classic. These are all awesome. I am irresistably drawn to read them.

Snow said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Snow said...

lethargylass,
Perhaps it's a Choose Your Own Sexual Adventure book.

Jakey said...

Yeah, this isn't very witty and somebody already mentioned it, but what's with "(FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOURSELF)" on the cover of 'The Marijuana Mob?' I didn't think there was anything to figure out, and now that I've been corrected it seems the only thing to figure out is what needs to be figured out, after which I guess that'll be figured out also. I keep trying to contemplate the logic and all I can see is a spiraling black abyss. It's like seeing a book cover that has "This statement is false" or "You are not reading these words" thrown in above the title.

(Or maybe "marijuana" used to be the civilized code word for "heroin" or "black market babies" or something.)

Jakey said...

Oh, and is it just me, or is 'Junkie' being played this week by special guest star Sally Kellerman?

Susanna said...

Toonhead, actually, I thought the ballplayer in Lust League looked more like GWB.

And Confinement looks like a drawing of the dark underbelly of Whoville. Seriously, there's something wrong with that woman's face.

Snortylaughgirl said...

But you know what we all REALLY want to know is ...Where do I find these books?!! Don't deny it....

Anonymous said...

These covers are so kitchy and so sexist, I'm laughing!:)I must say Pirate Wench doesn't look too bad, though. Love, Sexy Sadie

Anonymous said...

"OH Gods! I've just been caught in an anti-gravity field!"

Eleri Hamilton said...

Boy, Annie Lennox is totally mackin' on Bette Davis there.

Looks way more like latter-year Judy Garland, to me.