1.29.2009

Guest Blogger BikerPuppy!




Let me start by saying I love sci-fi/fantasy novels. I've read them since I was a kid, and I got used to seeing women in impossibly uncomfortable"armor" that covered nothing more than nipples and nether regions and warriors with glistening muscles that would make Schwarzenegger jealous. There's no disputing the bad covers, though, and Judge a Book has done an amazing job bringing us the best of the best. So in that vein, let's take a look at The Bastard Prince's cover. I'm guessing the guy on the right is the bastard, because he is the only one wearing a crown. I'm not sure if he's a bastard because his parents weren't married or because he is trying to incinerate the woman next to him with the Force. Or maybe he's trying to protect her, and, amazingly, he's doing all this while levitating from his saddle, riding a horse that is almost on fire. But enough about our prince. Let's turn to the heroine. I guess she's riding side-saddle, which might explain why she appears to be levitating in front of her horse, but on close inspection, I think she's giving birth to a flaming ghost baby, while her horse looks for some non-flaming grass to eat. It's nice to know that all this is happening under a lovely blue sky, despite the storm in the distance.





This cover is waaaay too busy! Between the rolling waves and the sky full of lightening, it's visually appalling. It appears our hero is trying to save his ship by acting as a human lightening rod, holding his sword up during a storm. Or maybe he's just threatening the storm: "Come any closer and I'll cut off your....er.... lightening."



Thanks, BikerPuppy! What do you think, folks, should we keep Ms. Puppy on?

12 comments:

lawgirl said...

Good comment on a tacky cover. And very original prose.

Lawgirl

Christine said...

Only if she learns how to spell "lightning" :)

BikerPuppy said...

D'oh! I'm actually a grammar geek, so that is really embarassing.

Alissa said...

It's fine, she was just lightening the mood!

Michael Croft said...

It's hard to tell from these scans. Is the pixellation actually on the covers in question or are these just overcompressed jpegs?

--E said...

As much as I agree the cover of The Bastard Prince is mockworthy for its execution, it is one of the last SF/F covers that actually depicts a scene from the book.

That was the trend during the 80s and early 90s, and I'm greatly saddened by the parade of "creative portraiture" that has been the trend for the past 15 years or so.

Anonymous said...

Very entertaining! These covers are just amazing.

Anonymous said...

I laughed :)
So yes.

Cathy said...

Definitely--keep 'er on!

xenobiologista said...

Hi BikerPuppy,
I like your commentary, but could you please use something with better resolution than a cellphone cam to take pictures of the book covers?

BikerPuppy said...

Xeno -- I'm not sure what happened. They were clearer when I sent them to Maughta, but maybe my email program fuzzed them up. I looked online for the clearest images possible.

Kate Fall said...

Keep BikerPuppy on! I'm happy to see more posts on this blog!