9.10.2007

Fantasy Quickies

I have a lot of fantasies involving quickies (hello, sailor), but none of them include these book covers. Proving once and for all that fantasy/sci fi covers out-weird romance novel covers, here're a few I've come across just recently. (No! Not like that! Get your mind out of the gutter!)



First up is a nice little Weis/Hickman jobbie. I've made fun of Weis/Hickman before because, gosh darn it, it's just so easy! My whole problem with this cover, besides the fact that if you look closely there are three breast-like-shapes outlined in armor (it is Mammary Monday after all) is that the armor on that horse is so stupid! Yes! Let's protect the ears, the nape of the horse's neck and the horse's ass (where if it were smashed with a sword it would hurt but not debilitate), but leave open the ever-so-vulnerable JUGULAR and BELLY! Plus we're gonna make it stand in lava. You can tell its feet are hot 'cause it's standing still on only two of them.



"I need that like a fish needs a bicycle!"


Yes, it's the oldest joke in the universe, but that is, of course, Piers Anthony's milieu. The man has not met a bad pun that he can't make worse. There are people who are good with puns (Spider Robinson and Terry Pratchett, two of my alllllll time favorite authors, come to mind) and then there's Piers Anthony who sits back and lets his readers write his books with the worst puns possible.


And it's a stupid cover. So there.


(P.S. If there is a G-d of reincarnation, I'd like to be a mermaid. But I don't want to look this dumb. Thanks!)


Even Dr. Melfi can't help you when you've got an arrow in your neck!
Y'know, the best place to be when there are arrows flying is in full sight on the battlements wearing lime green and strumming a ukulele. Someone put her out of her misery, please!
So when the going gets tough, I think I need a baritone sorceress, myself. A big mean one. I'd take Ruth Brown over little Miss Pansy here any day!

18 comments:

effika said...

Ms. Sorceress's arms also appear strangely out of proportion.

Wallsy said...

A "G-d of reincarnation"? Firstly, "god" in this context is a regular noun and needs no capital letter, and secondly, whatever blasphemy you avoid by not writing the O you more than make up for by suggesting there's a god of reincarnation.

So what was the point of writing it that way?

Bybee said...

Hey Wallsy, if Maughta wants to be nagged in a scholarly fashion, there's probably a school somewhere in her neighborhood.

Maughta said...

Wallsy:

Guess I'm just being extra-super-special-double-secret-with knobs careful since it's the High Holy days coming up, yeah? Wanna be inscribed in the book of life, right?

Snow said...

War's not over 'til the lute lady sings.

astrange said...

All of Modesitt's covers are drawn by the infamous Darell K. Sweet (http://linuxmafia.com/~pam/cover_art.html).

I like this one he drew where the guy is apparently wearing jeans:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/images/0765305119/sr=8-1/qid=1189523026/ref=dp_image_text_0/104-3662094-4550324?ie=UTF8&n=283155&s=books&qid=1189523026&sr=8-1

Snow said...

Astrange, that's perfect. It even has the Karate Kid holding an axe.

SecretMargo said...

Is "Piers Anthony" even a person anymore, or is he a brand name with revolving ghosthacks impersonating him in turns, like VC Andrews?

Also: Instant Adventure! Just Add Water!

Somebody needs to get fired over this. Then shot.

Then reincarnated? As a G-d eternally in quest of the elusive female "o"? What do you think, Wallsy? Or should that be "wallsy" (I'd hate to offend)?

maughtamom said...

I think Wallsy needs to study the Jewish religion so that he sees we don't spell G-d out because His name is never said. Isn't that right, Maughta ? You are the religious studies expert.

Maughta said...

Actually, maughtamom, wallsy is correct. Pedantic, but correct.

Jenn said...

It looks like the horse's armour was modelled on actual German horse armour circa 1480 according to this site. I agree that it doesn't provide as much protection for the horse but it's possible that more armour isn't used because it's so heavy that it would wear out the horse.

I really love your blog. About 5 years ago, I worked in a library as a page and I saw many amusing covers. Reading your blog is bringing back memories!

Vampire Librarian said...

Piers Anthony is puny and pervy. I made the mistake at a tender age of reading his book Firefly. Can't belive I read so many of his Xanth books.

Keep the covers coming (NOT that way!).

May I invite you to join Library Links? To get full details go here:
http://coollibrarian.com/blog/librarylinks.html

A lot of us on that roll will really enjoy your posts.

Elena said...

And this is why it's occasionally embarassing to be a fantasy fan. *sigh* At least they started re-releasing L.E. Modesitt's other books with new abstract-y covers. Pretentious is still better than random chick in a green dress. ^_-

yellojkt said...

Pervy is right. Anthony, who seems like a nice guy, channels his inner twelve year old.

shsilver said...

Actually, when I interviewed him some years ago, Terry Pratchett was quite adamant that he did not write puns in his novels. And, for the most part, he doesn't.

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who hates it when the author's name is bigger than the title of the book? Love, Sexy Sadie

follicleman said...

Uh... hate to break it to you, but that's just kinda what horse armor looks like.

http://www.metmuseum.org/special/Armored_Horse_in_Europe/images/1.L.jpg

TreeHuggaz said...

Peirs Anthony's Xanth series are an amazing read...although i do prefer Terry Pratchett's Discworld more...

Cool Blog :)

Wild Wacky & Wonderful